Parents, The Web can be scary and confusing.  Talk with your kids often about what they are doing and seeing online.  Contact us for an online risk assessment to better understand what the Web says about your child.  We can provide a report of Web and social media activity that your child is involved in or tagged in.  We can also offer real-time monitoring of your child’s activities based on keywords.  Contact us today for your child’s Reputation Report Card!

WE KNOW THAT THE INTERNET CAN BE A LOT OF FUN, BUT IT CAN ALSO BE A BIT SCARY

It’s important to remember online interactions can get complicated.  Relationships and friendships can be confusing face to face and when you’re talking to someone online it can be especially tough to figure out what the other person is actually thinking and to truely understatd who they really are.

We wish there was an app that sends you Screen Shot 2015-04-20 at 2.36.56 PM every time a conversation is getting kind of weird or risky, but online it is up to you to understand and identify some warning signs.   Having some safety rules and knowing what to do if you do feel uncomfortable can help you protect yourself and your friends.


4 SAFETY RULES OF TO FOLLOW

1. HAVE AN EXIT PLAN.

If you’re in chatting or messagin with someone, make sure that your screen name is different from your real name!  We do this just in case  you get into a conversation that’s making you uncomfortable and you need to quickly exit without the fear of someone googling your real name and potentially locating you and your family.  If you’re talking to or following people you don’t know on apps like Instagram, KiK and Twitter, avoid posting things that reveal where you are (like the name of your school, where your soccer team practices, etc). That way, if someone is talking to you in a way you don’t like, you can block them without worrying about them finding you another way.

2. BE A TINY BIT PARANOID.

Be skeptical of what people say and share with you and your friends.  It’s one thing to have friends see you at a party, because you know who’s there,  But if you send/post a picture, you can’t always control how it’s being seen, who is seeing it, or how it’s being shared by others. If you feel like there’s any chance that the picture could get into the wrong hands, don’t risk it.  And remember that everything shared or posted online is there forever, even if you delete it from you account or profile it never goes away!  If it is shared it exists forever!  Always ask yourself if this is something I would want my grandmother to see!

3. TELL SOMEONE!

If someone ever makes you feel uncomfortable or is threatining or makes you think that you may be in danger, tell someone you trust!  Whether it’s a teacher, a parent or a school counsellor. It’s better to talk to someone about it now, even if it means you have to confess something you did or it’s difficult to share!  Often when you wait until it becomes a bigger problem you can be in real danger. If you’d like, you can also talk to someone anonymously by calling the US CyberTipline at 1-800-843-5678.

4. STAY IN SAFE ONLINE PLACES.

The same way you wouldn’t walk down dark alleys alone at night, you should avoid creepy places online. You could stumble on explicit images/videos you don’t want to see (or maybe are even illegal!), or end up in a chatroom with people who are looking to take advantage of you. Follow your gut, and don’t walk down the alley ways of the Internet.


8 RED FLAG PHRASES

 How do you know when someone has bad intentions, instead of someone who’s just really friendly? Here are some signs that you can watch out for when talking to someone:

 1. “FIND ME ON KIK/SKYPE.” OR “LET’S GO PRIVATE.”


Leaving the comments section or public thread and talking on a private messaging app gives people a chance to learn more personal information about you or to talk to you knowing that they’re safe from being “overheard.”

 2. “ARE YOU ALONE?”

If someone askes if you are alone, by very cautions.  The may be asking if you’re alone to send you content they wouldn’t want your parents or other people seeing or to attempt to get you to share pictures or information that is private to you. If someone you don’t know is specifically seeking out ways to talk to you in private, be extra careful. It’s okay to end a conversation or block a user that makes you feel uncomfortable.  

 3. “DO YOU HAVE A PIC?”


Remember that shared pictures online are there to stay.  They can barely ever be removed from the Internet, especially once someone you share with shares them with someone else.  Even though some pictures that may seem harmless to share with someone you trust, you can’t always control who else they share it with. Pictures might also communicate more information that you intend to, for example, a photo of you and your friends at your volleyball tournament can tell someone where you go to school.  Be very cautious with what you share and who you share it with.

 4. “YOU SEEM SAD. TELL ME WHAT’S BOTHERING YOU.”

We all enjoy having someone offer a listening ear. While it can be helpful for you to talk about what you’re going through, it also gives the other person a chance to learn about your thoughts and private life. It’s possible that the person is asking personal, seemingly caring questions to find out ways to take advantage of you.  Remember, if you don’t personally know the person with which you are shareing to be very cautious.  Would you share the same details with a complete stranger on the street?

 5. “I KNOW A WAY YOU CAN EARN MONEY FAST.”


Run away!!  Anyone offering you a way to make money fast should probably not be trusted. Never deal with money with someone you don’t know, especially if it includes sending photos of yourself or talking on a webcam, even if it sounds like what they’re asking you to do is no big deal.  

 6. “WHAT’S YOUR PHONE NUMBER?”

Don’t share it!  Giving your phone number to someone you don’t personally know create an opportunity for them to build more trust and a false sense of intimacy.  A phone number also reveals your location, and often times, even your home address.  The person that want to get your digits is often a creepy, old hairy guy you would never want to talk with in real life.

 7. “I LOVE YOU.”


Everyone enjoys hearing the words “I love you,” but sometimes, people will use this to make it feel safe to do things that you might not otherwise do.

 8. “IF YOU DON’T DO WHAT I ASK, I’LL SHOW EVERYONE THE PICTURES YOU’VE SENT ME.”


Many online predators will ultimatly resort to threats as a way to get you to do what they want.  As someone learns more and more about you and pretends to be your new best friend or tells you how much they care about or love you , they might use the knowledge they gain to attempt to threaten to reveal a private photos or tell your parents about something you’ve shared if you don’t do what they ask. Even if you’re afraid of what they might think or do, tell a parent, teacher, or another adult you trust right away if someone is trying to intimidate you. It’s better to put a stop to threats right away than to hope that they’ll stop after you just do this one thing.

(Adapted from ConnectSafely)


SEXTING

Most of us now have a camera with us 24/7, and it’s likely thatyou have heard of sexting or that it is even common practice at your school, but it can have negative consequences when a photo meant for one person is being passed around the whole school for all to see.

We all know by now that once an image is share you no longer have control over what happens to it.  Sexting is even worse, because once that more risky image is shared on the Internet or with a friend, you can never delete it, even if the original file is deleted it may have been downloaded or had screen shots taken which means it lasts forever.

This next point is really important too….No sexting yourself is one important part of being safe and managing your rep, but standing up against sexting doesn’t just mean you don’t send photos. It also means you don’t ask for them.  Finally, you have to do something about it if you see a classmate dealing with the negative consequences of sexting.  Talk to a trusted adult and ask for some help!  The old rule applies here too; don’t post or send any pictures that you wouldn’t want your grandfather to see!

FinanlIy, remember that if a youth is taking and sending explicit material of themselves, they can be charged with the production and distribution of child pornography by law enforcement.  There was a case where a 17-year-old boy who sent a photo of his genitalia to his girlfriend was charged with two felony charges, which could lead not only to incarceration but also to being listed on the state sex offender registry. Although it is unlikely for a teenager to face charges in court for sexting, it is important for youth to be aware of the realities of the possible legal consequences.  Don’t Do It!

 IF YOU’RE THINKING ABOUT SENDING A PHOTO, ASK YOURSELF:

  • Is this something I would do face-to-face?
  • Would I be okay with this photo being posted in my school’s hallway?
  • Do I feel pressured to send something? If so, who can I talk to about it?

 IF YOU’RE THINKING ABOUT ASKING FOR A PHOTO, ASK YOURSELF:

  • Is this something I would do face-to-face?
  • Would I want someone to ask me for the same thing?
  • Am I asking because I feel pressured to by others? If so, who can I talk to about it?

 IF YOU SEE A CLASSMATE’S PHOTO BEING PASSED AROUND:

Don’t jump to judgements about the person in the photo. Instead, ask yourself:

  • If this was a photo of me, how would I want others to react?
  • Did the person in the photo want it to be shared?
  • Did the person in the photo know this picture was being taken/want it to be taken? (Even if it looks like they did in the photo)

Take steps to protect your classmate:

  • Tell a teacher or school counselor about the photo (you can ask them to not share who told them if you’re afraid of how others might react to you telling an adult).
  • If you see the photo on social media, report it as inappropriate content so that it’s taken down.

 IF SOMEONE SENT YOU A PICTURE OF THEIR JUNK AND YOU DIDN’T EVEN WANT TO SEE IT:

  • Tell someone you trust—you don’t have to deal with this issue on your own; it’s harrassment and potentially a crime!
  • Even if you’re upset, avoid the temptation to “get back” at them: do not pass that photo on. That could end up having consequences for you in the future and possible make you responsible for passing on lewd pictures, another potential crime.
  • If they’re texting you, block their phone number so that they can’t contact you. If they’re messaging you another way, look into how to block users on that app/website. If there’s no option to block users, change your account name and privacy settings or just delete your account on that app/website.

ALTERNATIVE RESPONSES:

It can be difficult to know how to respond if a classmate or someone you know is asking you for kinds of photos you don’t feel comfortable sending, especially if they keep messaging you even after you’ve told them no. The app Zipit has some pretty hilarious alternative responses for people asking for nude photos, like these:

Screen Shot 2015-04-21 at 1.22.32 PMScreen Shot 2015-04-21 at 1.22.46 PMScreen Shot 2015-04-21 at 1.22.56 PM

Sending a funny (and sassy) meme can be a way to diffuse the tension and for the other person to get that you don’t want to sext. If someone is persistently bothering you for photos or you feel like you don’t have a choice but to do what they say, be sure to tell a trusted adult about it. It’s better to talk to someone about it now, even if it means you have to confess something you did or it’s difficult to share, and get help than to wait until it becomes a bigger problem.


WHAT TO DO IF SOMEONE’S MAKING YOU UNCOMFORTABLE

FIRST, NEVER AGREE TO DO ANYTHING THAT MAKES YOU FEEL UNCOMFORTABLE. IT’S YOUR LIFE AND YOU’RE IN CHARGE OF IT.

Even if another person seems to be a friend, in all truth they’re no friend if they’re trying to get you to do anything against your will or your best interests.

  • If something seems off, trust your instincts.
  • It’s hard to make a good decision when you’re feeling confused, so you should be as clear as possible in your own mind about what is and isn’t in your own interests.
  • If you need help with this, talk to someone you trust such as a friend, sibling, teacher or parent. If you’d rather talk to someone anonymously, you can text “LISTEN” to 741741 and a trained counselor will respond.
  • If you receive any unwanted sexual comments or communication online, the best thing you can do is remove yourself from the conversation.
  • Understand your safety settings. If it doesn’t stop immediately, you should block the person and consider reporting it to the safety team of whatever website you are on. You should also consider talking about it with an adult you trust.
  • If you’re under 18 and someone is pressuring you to engage in sexual activities (e.g. cybersex, photos, webcamming) or is sending you explicit material, don’t hesitate to call the police or the CyberTipline at 1-800-843-5678. They have advisers available 24/7 to help.
  • If this person’s a relative or someone in your household and you need help, contact the police, go to RAINN.org/online or call the National Sexual Assault Hotline at 1-800-656-HOPE (4673).


PORNOGRAPHY

Pron is everywhere on the Internet.  It’s easy to come across x-rated photos and videos even if we’re not looking for them. Maybe you’re just scrolling through Youtube, or Googling a seemingly harmless search like “Dick’s Sporting Goods.” And whether you’ve seen it by accident or on purpose, there’s no denying that porn is all over the internet.

What you may not have thought about is how pornography can affect the way you view your friends or boyfriend/girlfriend and how you interact with them.

Recent studies on the effects of viewing pornography suggest that youth who watch porn may develop unrealistic ideas and expectations about sex. When a group asked 500 18-year-olds in the UK about online pornography, a lot of them said that they felt like it lead to unrealistic attitudes towards sex, and a lot of the girls said they felt like it pressured them to look and act a certain way.  Remember that porn is not real!  It is not the way people behave with each other.  Porn is fantasy and acting and often is harming the actors.

When we have unrealistic ideas about sex, it can make us vulnerable to doing things or treating others in a way we don’t actually want to.

That doesn’t sound so fun does it?

 
 

Although people will have different opinions on pornography, we suggest you talk to someone you trust about the role it has in your life, if any, especially if you’re struggling with staying away from pornography even when you want to. It might feel awkward to bring it up, but it will be so much easier to have people supporting you. Websites like Fight the New Drug have helpful resources and stories to remind you that you’re not alone.

Also, some pornography may feature images of someone who didn’t want to be or know they are being shown in this way. If you come across a image or video that’s concerning, especially if it involves a young person, find a trusted adult and talk to them.


MORE FOOD FOR THOUGHT